2. Empathy
| The servant-leader strives to understand and empathize with others. People need to be accepted and recognized for their special and unique spirits. One assumes the good intentions of co-workers and colleagues and does not reject them as people, even when one may be forced to refuse to accept certain behaviors or performance. The most successful servant-leaders are those who have become skilled empathetic listeners. |
| Larry Spears |
Empathy and listening are closely related. Listening without empathy is little more than hearing, but empathy means caring. The servant leader cares about his or her team members in a number of different ways. Of course, she cares about their work, and she sees to it that they have all the resources needed to accomplish their tasks. However, he also shows compassion for his employees in ways that go beyond just their performance at work. He will care about them not just as workers, but as whole persons who have homes, families, personal interests and hobbies, and so on. Of course, we are all entitled to our own privacy. Each person will have to set their own boundaries that determine what they want to keep to themselves. However, the servant leader will always make those who want to share their personal concerns feel welcome and safe to do so.
The word empathy is never used in the Bible, at least not in any of the common English translations (Amplified Bible, Contemporary English Version, Good News Bible, King James, The Message, New International Version, New Living Translation, New Revised Standard). Instead, the word compassion is cited many times. Empathy and compassion can be used almost synonymously. The word empathy is derived from the Greek em-pathos, where pathos means suffering. The word compassion comes from the Latin com-pati, with pati meaning to suffer. Passion, patience, and patient are all derived from the same Latin root. So, both empathy and compassion literally mean "with-suffering", that is to share someone else's suffering. In the book of Romans we are told to both rejoice and mourn with others (Rom 12:15):
When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow.
The Gospels are full of stories that show Jesus' compassion. He had pity for the sick he healed, such as the leaper in Mar 1:41:
Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" (NIV)
He compassionately cared for their worldy needs, for example when he turned water into wine at a wedding after the host had run out (Joh 2:1-20), or when he fed four thousand who had been with him for several days (Mar 8:2):
"I feel sorry for these people. They have been here with me for three days, and they have nothing left to eat.
His empathy was not limited to people's physical needs, however, but he was also concerned with their spiritual needs. For example (Mar 6:34):
A vast crowd was there as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he taught them many things.
Perhaps the story of the death and resurrection of Lazarus is one of the most moving examples of Jesus' compassion. The following four verses are just a small excerpt from the story, but they particularly emphasize Jesus' sorrow (Joh 11:33-36):
33When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, he was moved with indignation and was deeply troubled. 34"Where have you put him?" he asked them. They told him, "Lord, come and see." 35Then Jesus wept. 36The people who were standing nearby said, "See how much he loved him."
However, the Bible makes it clear that the expression of empathy should not be limited to one's friends, or those in need of physical healing, but also to one's enemies. Jesus taught this about loving our enemies (Mat 5:43-47):
43"You have heard that the law of Moses says, 'Love your neighbor' and hate your enemy. 44But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and on the unjust, too. 46If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that.
One of my favorite stories of compassion is the story of Joseph, told over about twenty chapters of the book of Genesis. Joseph is hated by his brothers, in part because his father shows favoritism for him. They even make plans to kill him (Gen 37:18), but instead sell him into slavery (Gen 37:28). Joseph ends up in Egypt, and Pharaoh becomes so impressed with him that he appoints him as ruler over the entire country (Gen 41:37-44). When famine strikes Canaan, his brothers make several trips to Egypt to buy grain from Joseph, whom they don't recognize as their brother. Joseph is so overcome by emotion for his brothers, that he weeps repeatedly (Gen 43:30, Gen 45:2, Gen 45:15). After their father dies, Joseph's brothers are afraid that they will now be paid back the evil they did to him, but Joseph instead has this memorable reply (Gen 50:19-21):
19But Joseph told them, "Don't be afraid of me. Am I God, to judge and punish you? 20As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you meant for evil. He brought me to the high position I have today so I could save the lives of many people. 21No, don't be afraid. Indeed, I myself will take care of you and your families." And he spoke very kindly to them, reassuring them.
I think one obstacle to a more compassionate workplace is our inhibition to openly expressing our emotions. Most men have been taught early on not to cry, lest others think they're weak. I just attended a good-bye dinner for a dear friend who is moving from California back to Colorado. Many of his Christian brothers, with whom he had spent years in fellowship, openly shed their tears. I assure you, these men are neither weak, nor do they think of themselves as being weak. In fact, their fellowship group is called the Mighty Men!
An interesting part of Joseph's story is how he dealt with the feelings brought upon him by the sight of his brothers. At first he retreats into his private rooms to weep. Later he just breaks down and his sobbing becomes known to the entire palace. This man, who allowed his emotions to flow freely, was the second most powerful man in all of Egypt. A mighty man!
What an improvement to our work places it would be if we didn't leave our emotions behind when we leave home to go to the office. Why shouldn't we cry with those who cry, and laugh with those who laugh, at work just as we do amongst family and friends? Many of us spend at least as many of their waking hours at work as they do at home. What goes around, comes around, so what do we have to lose by being a little more compassionate with our co-workers?
James Autry, in his book "The Servant Leader" [5], gives many practical examples of compassionate leadership in the workplace, such as caring for sick employees, perhaps even with life-threatening or terminal illnesses. One of the most practical ways of showing a caring attitude towards employees with special needs is to allow for flexible work hours.
There are many such examples where I work. To one, it would be a terrible waste of time to work the regular 9am to 5pm shift and fight the rush hour traffic twice each day. To another, work hours need to take into account the day care needs of young children in a home where both parents are working. To another, it's a chronic disease that brings about frequent doctor visits and days of generally ill health where working from home is the only option. To another, it's the constraints of orthodox Judaism that don't allow work on the Sabbath and on other special occasions.
Of course, the servant leader must carefully consider how addressing the needs of one individual affects all others in the organization. Flexible work hours for individuals, for example, must be balanced with the needs for formal group meetings, as well as more impromptu gatherings of project members to exchange ideas and thoughts, tips and tricks. Even in the programming business, where there are few technical limitations of telecommuting, it is still often the quick chat with those in the office next door that spawns the ideas that save hours or days worth of work. So, while there are seldom easy answers, the servant leader's commitment to empathy in the work place is expressed by a determination to compassionately hear and consider the needs of all individuals.
For Thought and Discussion
- Jesus wept. Joseph wept. When did you last weep? When did you last feel like weeping but felt inhibited to do so? What other cultural inhibitions to expressing emotion, compassion, and empathy do we have, both at work and at home?
- What are the special needs of your employees or co-workers? What thought have you given to accommodating their special circumstances? What more could you do to ease their struggles? What would Jesus do?
- Recall an example where you had to balance compassion for one individual with the needs of others. What were the specific conflicts, and how did you resolve them? Can you think of examples from the Bible where compassion for one person conflicted with the bigger picture?
