1. Listening
| Leaders have traditionally been valued for their communication and decision making skills. Although these are also important skills for the servant-leader, they need to be reinforced by a deep commitment to listening intently to others. The servant-leader seeks to identify the will of a group and helps to clarify that will. He or she listens receptively to what is being said and unsaid. Listening also encompasses getting in touch with one's own inner voice. Listening, coupled with periods of reflection, are essential to the growth and well-being of the servant-leader. |
| Larry Spears |
It appears most appropriate that Larry Spears placed listening at the very top of his ten characteristics of a servant leader. It makes perfect sense. How could we possibly serve others, if we don't first listen to their needs? It seems almost too obvious to even dwell on it.
However, I am the first to admit that I have much to learn about true listening skills. Indeed, as I hope every married man (and woman) would attest to, learning to listen is a lifelong endeavor. There is a big difference between hearing and listening, and one does not imply the other: "Auntie Ying is not hard of hearing. She is hard of listening." [4] Successful listening requires empathy, and an openness and willingness to receive what the other person has to express. The caring listener will also strive to create an atmosphere in which others feel safe to express their opinions without fear of reprisal or ridicule. Paying attention to what is not being said can be even more important, and the servant leader will gently but persistently probe for what she thinks the other might be holding back for whatever reason.
Listening also requires introspection and personal reflection. What am I possibly letting get in the way of better listening? Am I really open and receptive to the opinions of others, even if they might seem far fetched or out of line? Am I perhaps anticipating the other's response, out of a subconscious belief that I already know their views and needs?
Listening can be a powerful and memorable experience. On one of my mission trips to Colombia, South America, my wife and I were teamed up with a Colombian missionary for an afternoon of reaching out to the shut-ins of a neighborhood in Cartagena. We visited the home of an elderly lady, and listened to her for several hours. As we learnt of the incredible hardships of her life, of poverty, sickness, raising a large family on her own after her husband had left her, I felt utterly helpless and thought to myself that I had nothing to give to this lady. However, I was unaware of the blessing that we had bestowed on her until she shared a few days later in a worship service how she had not had anyone for years with whom she had been able to share her story and who had listened to her.
What does Scripture have to say about the listening skills and practices of the Biblical leaders? A search for "listen" finds 470 verses in the Old Testament and 119 verses in the New Testament. The great majority of these verses refer to the student or subordinate listening to the teacher or superior. However, does that mean that the leaders themselves did not practice listening? I don't think so.
Moses listened to his father-in-law's suggestions (Exo 18:24) for setting up a legal system. We'll return to this story in a later chapter:
Moses listened to his father-in-law's advice and followed his suggestions.
Samuel's ministry began by listening when he was in the care of the high priest Eli (1Sa 3:9-10):
9So he said to Samuel, "Go and lie down again, and if someone calls again, say, `Yes, LORD, your servant is listening.' " So Samuel went back to bed. 10And the LORD came and called as before, "Samuel! Samuel!" And Samuel replied, "Yes, your servant is listening."
While listening is a valuable and necessary skill for any leader, it is absolutely crucial in some professions, such as that of the judge. In several passages, judges are charged with "hearing" the cases brought before them, e.g. in Deu 1:16:
And I charged your judges at that time: Hear the disputes between your brothers and judge fairly, whether the case is between brother Israelites or between one of them and an alien. (NIV)
Nicodemus states the same in Joh 7:50-51:
50Nicodemus, the leader who had met with Jesus earlier, then spoke up. 51"Is it legal to convict a man before he is given a hearing?" he asked.
Again, however, hearing and listening are not the same. Consider the case of the two prostitutes heard by Solomon in 1Ki 3:16-27. Both women had recently given birth to a baby, but one of the infants died. Now they were arguing over who the real mother of the live baby was. Solomon did not just hear their arguments, but he listened for the compassion of the real mother when he announced to have the baby cut in half:
25Then he said, "Cut the living child in two and give half to each of these women!" 26Then the woman who really was the mother of the living child, and who loved him very much, cried out, "Oh no, my lord! Give her the child--please do not kill him!" But the other woman said, "All right, he will be neither yours nor mine; divide him between us!" 27Then the king said, "Do not kill him, but give the baby to the woman who wants him to live, for she is his mother!"
Jesus listened to the mother of James and John on behalf of their request, even though it was completely unreasonable (Mat 20:20-22):
20Then the mother of James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to Jesus with her sons. She knelt respectfully to ask a favor. 21"What is your request?" he asked. She replied, "In your Kingdom, will you let my two sons sit in places of honor next to you, one at your right and the other at your left?" 22But Jesus told them, "You don't know what you are asking! Are you able to drink from the bitter cup of sorrow I am about to drink?" "Oh yes," they replied, "we are able!"
Also, in several of Jesus' miracles it is recorded how he first asked questions and listened to those he was about to heal, e.g. in Mar 5:9, Mar 9:21, and Mar 10:51:
"What do you want me to do for you?" Jesus asked. "Teacher," the blind man said, "I want to see!"
Several verses also mention one of the governing wordly rulers listening in situations when the opinions of those talking were different from their own, e.g. Felix in Act 24:24, and Herod in Mar 6:20:
And Herod respected John, knowing that he was a good and holy man, so he kept him under his protection. Herod was disturbed whenever he talked with John, but even so, he liked to listen to him.
In the business world, listening should be a natural part of the work of those who interact with customers. I sometimes have the privilege of representing the Protein Data Bank at scientific conferences, and we often have a booth in the exhibitors' area. Almost at every conference, someone will ask the question "So why do you have a booth? You are not selling anything?" We explain how much we value the outreach to our user community, and that we can't pursue the goal of keeping our Web site users happy without hearing from them about their needs and expectations.
During the course of a typical day, I find myself as a listener in many different situations, each with their own challenges. In the morning, I might listen to my wife telling me a dream that upset her, though it may not sound that frightening to me. I listen on the telephone to a coworker whose English is rather difficult to understand and I struggle just to get the words he is saying. I listen to my boss or my boss's boss, and pay special attention to their concerns, perhaps about deadlines or whether we are keeping up with the competition. I listen to co-workers who use programs that I am maintaining to find out whether I have made their tasks as easy as possible. I listen to requests for feature enhancements or bug reports, and try to understand their significance and scope so that I can make those often tough decisions on how to prioritize.
I listen to contributions in staff meetings that perhaps could have been left unsaid because they didn't really contribute, or where the argument might have been wandering rather than getting to the point, and I am challenged to listen attentively nonetheless. I listen to someone who didn't get their job done as I might have expected it, and I am challenged to give them the benefit of the doubt. On my walk back home, I listen to the voice inside of me that tells me whether I'm pleased with the day's work or whether I could have done better. Back at the house, I listen to my wife again to find out how her day has gone. I listen to my body and how I feel, and try to decide whether to go out that night or whether to stay home and get needed rest.
Personal relationships and multimillion dollar projects alike fail because of breakdowns in communication. In some cases, the right things might not have been said at the right time, but I suspect that in more cases what was said wasn't being listened to well enough. The servant leader thus has a great obligation, and a tremendous opportunity, to make a real difference by continually applying the art of listening. Each day offers countless opportunities for practice.
For Thought and Discussion
- Can you recall examples of good and bad listeners in your life? What distinguished them?
- How does one listen for what is not being said? What can you do to create an environment where more things are being said and fewer are left unsaid?
- Can you give some examples of how Jesus was really listening, not just hearing? Can you think of Scripture passages where Jesus listened to what was not being said? How did he act?
